Living in the movie…manifestation

In the image above is Eilean Donan Castle in Scotland from the famous movie scene Highlander. Yeah that place is kind a magic.

When I was teenager my favourite TV series was Highlander, I wasn’t fan of TV although watched Highlander. The series were sort of, like a window to different world and a hope that magic exists. Even for that hour ordinary world stopped exist and you transported into supernatural space, reality.

For me immortality subject was interesting since I was a kid. Aging, disease and death seemed very unnatural. In this day and age even scientists say that ageing is a disease.

Back in a day when Highlander movie and series were released, immortality was only a fiction subject. Now time came when scientists talk about it. Although I wouldn’t take their immortality pill because they are very famous for their Frankenstein experiments.

So back to the movie, last few years were definitely like a movie, it seemed like world stoped there were no tourists anywhere. During spare time I have visited a lot of sacred places in UK and Ireland it was very interesting experience when there are no people in those places. It was so still and magical, wild animals come out from everywhere and yes extraterrestrials also, nobody bothers them. Nature definitely flourished.

Quite few times the scenery around looked like movie I was thinking is it real although what is real? One time in Highlands there was so much snow, so the road was closed, me and my friend left the car and walked in the highlands there were so many deers, white hares, white owls and other birds and animals and no people. The cold and the snow gave this crisp and clean feeling no human aura, it was so clean energetically, you could see light particles play in the air. Snow sparkles and air seemed sparkling.

And when you back to the city it’s different kind of movie you can sense human fears and how quickly they manifest. Since about 2014 manifestation become very quick and what happens now people who haven’t faced their fears, they start seeing it in physical world.

Also it could be karma from long time ago, even from Atlantean times came into being.

Realities are so drastically different it seems like some people experience apocalyptic events and others have amazing experiences. It’s like in Atlantean times there were people who escaped cataclysm and there were those who caused the cataclysmic…

I don’t want to get into who was good and who was bad although people who made mistakes, hopefully they learned a lesson…because people on this planet tend to run in this self created loop, like movie ground hogs day. Humans should get it right on day, hopefully soon.

Back to my life movie, I live in Scotland, seen a lot of places were they make movies, even met an actor from Highlander series, had an experience how to wield a sword,wrote a book about immortality… I guess Highlander was one of my childhood templates how to make own movie and it’s a kind of magic, like words from famous Queen song…it’s kind of magic…

My new found hobby is stones and I had to mention here, Macleod (Macleod was hero in Highlander series) stone that I seen in isle of Harris and the view around it, definitely movie worthy place isles of Harris and Lewis, the beaches and wild Atlantic…Atlantean times…

New times and new movies must be awesome and wonderful…


Puck Pan the God or Prankster

king puck

Pan was known as one of the gods, the horned god he was a mixture of human and goat, sort of chimera in modern terms, body that contains features of more than one species. Pan was wild, he was a free spirit he lived in nature and he didn’t need temples for worship. He seemed as a humble god. Pan also goes by other names and he is mentioned in mythology and writings of different cultures Pan also was mentioned in writings of Shakespeare and Bulgakov.

A lot of people maybe associate Pan as a devil because Pan was associated with sex and nature and puritan Christians saw nature and sex as bad and dirty. Pan is also portrait as a prankster or a trickster although if you look at the story lines carefully he becomes like that only when people make agreements and promise things, and humans brake the promises. Also humans try to trick the creatures and then they get tricked themselves and of course they get angry and call the creature bad. It seems a lot of people get mad when their desire not fulfilled they become like spoiled brat that blames everything around them and of course ‘devil made them do it’. People use that phrase as an excuse. It seems that Pan wasn’t one being there were a lot of Pan’s as if it was a species, a race of beings and it was an old race.

Also on this planet you may try, the good and the bad experiences, people chose this when they ate an apple from the tree ‘bad and good’. You always have a choice what sort of games you want to play. You may choose it consciously or unconsciously. Best make choices when you are the most aware.

Some people say that fairy spirits and/or Pan or Puck are bad and tricksters although they are friends of witches and witches were associated with nature. If you treat nature badly so don’t expect it to treat you well it is not stupid it is not going to tolerate abuse. People get mad when they leave energetic debts and something or someone comes to collect them. Usually these nature spirits punish or trick people who treat nature as if it would be their commodity.

People in Killorglin, Ireland still have a fair in August (and that is when it is ‘Lion’s Gate’ which comes from Egyptian tradition, related to Egyptian New Year and also Sirius) where they crown a male goat, it comes from pagan times.

A lot of yogi people have a pet goat because they consider a goat as a very smart and intelligent animal. So the horned God reaches Yogic traditions also.

Gods, goddess, fairies, nature spirits, they are unknown for most of people. Those beings a lot of times are shapeshifters and they may change forms. What if they reflect your state of mind? Then they treat you the way you are…

People say the devil is ‘a gods beast on a leash’ and it can’t or don’t want to touch certain people. Hey! There are people who swim with sharks, with crocodiles, or may walk among wild predators like lions or tigers, and yeah it is only few individuals …The yogis would encounter wild bears, tigers and elephants and the animals don’t attack yogis…

It seems that this depends of how you treat environment, it treats you back the same way… everything in nature is alive and it remembers…and you are part of it…

©laura ciciskinaite

Love affairs between immortals & mortals


‘Once upon a time there was this girl called Egle that lived near sea side town Palanga, she was a village girl and she had few brothers and sisters. One morning she went to bath, and when she came back the serpent was in her clothes and asked her to marry him, if she will promise this to him, then he would leave her clothes. She promised this although she didn’t think about the consequences and she forgot about the promise as soon as snake gave her clothes back. Snake didn’t forget the promise and he came back to get what he wanted. Humans tried to trick the serpent and sent him different animals although at the end he gots what he wanted, he marries Egle. Serpent takes Egle to his home which is underneath the Baltic sea…

So, come back to the story, Egle had four kids with Zilvinas, thats is the name of serpent being. They had three sons and one daughter. Egle wanted to come back to her human family, just to visit although Zilvnas didn’t allow her to do that, eventually he asked Egle to complete the ‘impossible’ tasks of which Egle completed with the help of the witch. Egle came back to see her family and when she wanted to go back to Zilvinas her brothers killed him, after that she cursed her kids and they became trees because youngest daughter betrayed her dad.’

There are more than hundred variations of the story ‘Egle grass snake queen’ in Lithuanian mythology and if you want to read the whole story you may find few versions on the web. I cut the story short just to mention the highlights of the story.

Now, my take of the story, starting from the beginning when Egle sees the snake in her clothes, was it a snake or a reptilian being, those beings are mentioned in many cultures, in Indian mythology they are called Nagas in some myth they are good in some myth they are bad although they usually portrait as wise. Even the person who ‘discovered’ yoga system  apparently was half man half snake his name was Patanjali.

Not trying to take sides here, who is good who is bad, trying to stay neutral. Some people, in spiritual community believe that all reptilians are bad…When we say word bad, well bad to who? Humans are not good too, they harm animals and each other…

In the Egle’s stroy we see that she makes the promise to reptile being and then tries to trick him, so human that makes a promise and brakes it, probably they don’t understand what is honour? And at the end her brothers kill Zilvinas even though it seems she already loved him and had four kids with him…

Also when looking at ‘kids thing’ in the story, seems they looked human not reptile, so this asks a question about the hybrid kids…kids who have ‘alien’ DNA…

Also scientist still don’t talk about the junk DNA, and in nature there is no junk, nature don’t create junk. ‘Junk’ DNA means a lot of humans may have, so cold ‘alien’ DNA, including reptilian. When human consciousness changes reptilian consciousness also changes because of the DNA connection.

Egles story tells us that Zilvinas took her to his home which was under the Baltic sea waters. Strangely enough there were quite many photos which show the structures under the Baltic sea, they call it ‘Baltic sea anomaly’, as if it looks like UFO craft.

Another famous story in Lithuanian mythology is Jurate and Kastytis this is a story of mermaid falling in love with a human fisherman. At first Jurate mermaid, wanted to punish Kastytis for disturbing the peace in the sea and then she changes her mind and she falls in love. She takes him to amber castle underneath the Baltic Sea waters. It seems that story should end happily ever after although Immortal Perkunas ( the same as Scandinavian Odin, thunder god) punishes the lovers, some stories say that Perkunas destroys the amber castle and kills Kastytis. When people find pieces of amber, on the shores of Baltic sea, people say it is the remains of the castle or the tears of Jurate because she lost Kastytis.

Both stories involve human and supernatural being and they get punished for their love because their own kind thinks ‘that sort of love’ shouldn’t be, their own kind thinks that they may decide what is best for them and they kill the ‘alien’, in first story Zilvinas killed by humans and in second story Kastytis killed by gods…

…so who is right?…who is wrong?…who is bad?…who is good?

These stories inspired many artists and the sculpture in the photo is ‘Egle Grass Snake Queen’ in Palanga town Lithuania, there is also a statue of Jurate and Kastytis also in Palanga town as two stories ‘happened’ in Palanga…

There is another story about Birute and Kestutis, which also originated in Palanga…the story for the next time…

Da purple book, being seen

indraOnce upon a time in a country far far away, in a time and space quite different…in the place that use to be called Soviet Union, the time that is history now…

The girl lived in that space and time, she was ordinary or maybe extraordinary girl…she was the girl who told stories, and she was one of those kinds that tell stories to grandma 👵 and grandma would fall asleep, not the other way round. She have learned to read and write at early age, she tough other kids how to read and she read and told stories to other kids that couldn’t read yet.

Like other kids she had to go to school although she didn’t like school because it had too many rules and restrictions also kids would get punished there.

One day a homework at school was to write a story or a poem.

A girl was very happy about that that’s her element, the words…

The girl was busy all weekend she wrote a poem, she wrote a story, she made a little book, she drew pictures in the book. The cover of the book was purple, she have used the nicest paper she had for the book, and in times of Soviet Union, even that was scarce. She enjoyed the process she looked at the book and it was the most perfect book, she couldn’t wait for Monday to bring her book to school.

Monday came and she went to school, she was happy then. The teacher at school asked to show the homework, a story or a poem, and the girl thought she’s going to show whole book. Girl looked at her bag and she couldn’t find a book, she left book at home. The teacher started screaming and she said many bad words, most likely teacher had a bad day. Teacher said to a girl ‘you’re  a liar’. The girl said that she can go  home and bring the book to school, it would only take few minutes. Teacher didn’t want to hear that and she decided to punish a girl and write a very bad mark.

This world is a weird place people may destroy other people’s lives just because they had a bad day and then the chain continues.

Don’t ruin someone’s day just because you had a bad day, people are not emotional bins…

Situations like that happened many times in girls life that she was blamed for things she didn’t do. People just don’t want to know and don’t want to hear, they don’t care what is true, they want to be right, indulge in self righteousness. This world seemed unfair and it was…although are you going to be like those other people, a lot of people are just the right example how not to live your life.

Because of those people girl felt this unnatural sense of guilt, like she had to say I’m sorry for breathing and sorry for existing…

That is exactly what system wants, people who constantly feel guilt, shame and blame. It  is time to say goodbye to these emotions, process and let them go. Time to brake old chain. Be the one who brakes the pattern.

After many years the new purple book was written and it explores sucbject of immortality;

Why people age?

Why people get old?

Why people die?

What human beings are capable of?

What other creatures are out there?

You can read a chapter from the book in pdf file, link below.

Chapter Black Black Night and Dragon Dance 

The link below, that’s were you may buy a book. Thank you 🙏 😊

© laura ciciskinaite

Chapter from the book, Indra in Search of Immortality

So, here is one chapter from my book Indra in Search of Immortality. The chapter Black Black Night and Dragon Dance.You may read it in PDF file that is down below.  Enjoy the reading!!!!!!


Chapter Black Black Night and Dragon Dance

Indra in Search of Immortality


One day I sat down and started writing, well, I wrote maybe, about few thousand words and this was an idea about the book. I wasn’t sure to write a book or not to write it. I decided to ask eternity if it is right decision, to write a book.  Asked Eternity to give me a sign, and I went to the beach. It was warm summer day, August my favourite month of the year. The sea water was warm and looked like an amber. Walking through water and suddenly I saw a crab, very unusual one, very big and one of its limbs was missing (crab limbs can grow back, relevant to subject of immortality), wow that was interesting, also there were a lot of fish in the sea, they were slipping through my feet and I nearly fell. The fish hid in the sand and I couldn’t see them. You know the round fishes that swim very fast? Do you know what they are called?

Oh, oh and I saw so many white feathers on the beach I thought I may collect them and make myself a pillow. Usually white feather is a yes answer. Then I had my doubts maybe there are always so many white feathers on the beach, after few month of observation I could tell that this wasn’t so, many days there were no feathers at all. There were other signs of course. So, I made a decision to write a book, the book Indra in Search of Immortality. By the way, after some time I was reading a book, and crab in that book symbolises, eternal life. That was very interesting coincidence. So eternity sent me right sign. When I was writing this blog post, swan passed me by, just above my head…

I have been interested in subject of immortality since, I was a teenager, not that I would like to preserve physical body forever although ageing and disease seemed so unnatural to me, so this book is a journey how you solve these problems and if you want you may find out how to keep your body for longer.

What causes disease and misery? How to avoid it?

What human beings are capable of?

When you start a book you never know how it is going to end so now it is completed. This book was very unexpected and peculiar journey.

You can buy the book on lulu site and here is the link:

Data Overload, Intellect, Wisdom

Data Intelect 2

Consumerism is one of the trends in this day and age. Consumerism is trendy in general, no matter what humans consume. It is information age, so it is only natural that we get overwhelmed by information, overload of data, a lot of information. There is this saying that person is a walking encyclopedia,ok it’s cool… walking encyclopedia of what? If a person just memorised a lot of words and they don’t understand the essence, then words are useless, even dangerous.

People play word games and on the surface it may sound cool although this isn’t a sign of wisdom, maybe just good memory. Majority of people rely only on their mind or more correctly just intellect and what is intellect, it is just a machine, calculator and if people detached from their emotional body, physical body and nature this is dangerous because who is controlling their mind can direct persons life. If person runs all their life on the intellect it is very ineffective, in yogic understanding, there are 16 dimensions of the human mind. These 16 fall into four categories buddhi, manas, ahankara, and chitta.

Buddhi is the intellect – the logical dimension of thought. Educational systems and science today base their understanding only on intellect and intellect cannot function without a memory bank or you may call it data bank. Well, that depends what data you possess…

Who input the data in your data bank?…corrupt educational system, society?

What if you have 30 gigabyte memory bank and the other person has 40 gigabyte memory bank. Does that mean that 40 gigabyte more intelligent than 30 gigabyte? So, your reality only depends on the data bank you possess because you can’t access other data banks and limited data bank forms reality. Intellect is directly connected to ego, your identity, a persona, it is only useful only as society programmed the persona, if a person would be moved to different kind of society that persona, identity would be useless. For example if you move somebody who lived in western culture who was depended on the system so badly; the person who watches TV, eats junk food, drinks much alcohol and you move them to aboriginal culture, imagine what shock that would be…

Words are limited form of communication and they are so easily misinterpreted. Words have no meaning, humans give them meaning.

If you want, try an experiment, say one word to 10 people and ask them to describe the word for you. You will see that descriptions are very different and we speak in sentences not just single word and what about the book every person will have their own experience, LIMITED MENTAL MODIFICATION. It seems that words became a form of communication when people lost their telepathic ability, remember the story, the fall of the tower of Babel? Words are forms of division, words divide and it serves perfectly for powers that were, ‘divide and rule’…

Words may be used as spells if they are used by a powerful person for good or for bad reasons. Humans may be easily hypnotised by talismanic words and fall into submission of the hypnotist. People say they can’t be hypnotised, well depends who is hypnotised and who is hypnotist, who has more power?

Be careful what words you are using and how it affects you and others. If it is spoken word it is vibration, sound, words affect the reality, especially vibration of the person who speaks the words. Also if it is written word, if powerful person writes the book it has power even if the person reading the book can’t understand it, understanding may come after reading a book many times, that is why spiritual teachers asked students read powerful books and go, and meditate on it. When reading such books usually puts you in high state of mind although it may push you to sleep or you may forget what you just read because it may brake your reality to much.

Warning! When you study subject any subject books and words used only as part of learning, teacher and practice is required also study group, to share the notes.

Many times when people communicate only in words this may get lost in translation, for example when you read a book, you see everything through your own mental modifications. Some spiritual books weren’t advised to be read for the uninitiated because individuals may confuse themselves even more. If person doesn’t have serious spiritual practice, certain teachings may be harmful because people understand things literally and books are written in symbols and metaphors.

‘To conceal the truth by myth prevents contempt of the foolish, and compels the good to practice philosophy.’ Sallustius, 4th century philosopher

If person doesn’t have spiritual practice and/or right teacher and studying group for the subject, they are studying words, books may become WORK OF EVIL because if RIDGED EGO interprets the books it can’t grasp other dimensions of understanding and it only taints the knowledge or totally ruins it!

How clearly you see things depends on how much of your ego you have cleared. In ancient times spiritual teachings were mostly transmitted from teacher to student, books usually were written if school didn’t produce enlightened student. Also many spiritual text were translated and rewritten so many times and every person who touched the text changed it, and sometimes not much original content is left there, which could be very misleading and harmful, some truth may be there although it may do much harm because of the misinterpretation.

‘It is not possible to separate spirituality and wisdom any more than it is possible to prevent a cause from producing its effect. Spirituality actually means that the individual lives or exists upon the level of his spiritual nature or is possessed by the divinity within him. Divinity can have no ignorance within it. God cannot lack anything. Therefore, wisdom is an inevitable correlative of complete spiritual development.’ ~ Manly P. Hall (A Monthly Letter June 1935)

Words change vibration, when you say nice words see how do you feel and when you say harsh words see how do you feel. Saying sound AUM is very powerful it changes your vibration. Words are sounds when pronounced out loud. The best communication is when you don’t have to say many words maybe you don’t have to say any words and person understands you and sometimes you use words but people can’t understand and even if you use other forms of communication they can’t understand you and the more words use say it only gets more confusing, sometimes using more words doesn’t clarify things it only makes it more confusing. So, maybe use less words and if person can’t understand you, maybe sometime in the future they will understand what you wanted to say because they maybe are not ready for the information that you are communicating. Less is more.

Sometimes it is better to listen and not rush to reply because if you truly listen, hear and understand the person she or he may get an answer because somebody paid attention to them, saw them as they are without JUDGEMENT , without MENTAL MODIFICATION.

“He who would enter into the realm of Wisdom must first divest himself of all intellectual pride. Prejudices, pre-conceived opinions and beliefs always stand in the way of true wisdom. Conceited opinions are always suicidal in their influences. They bar the door to the entrance of Truth.” – Ralph Waldo Trine (1866 – 1958)

‘In order to awaken, first of all one must realise that one is in a state of sleep. And in order to realise one is indeed in a state of sleep, one must recognise and fully understand the nature of the forces which operate to keep one in the state of sleep, or hypnosis, it is absurd to think that this can be done by seeking information from sources which induces the hypnosis.

One thing alone is certain, that man’s slavery grows and increases. Man is becoming a willing slave. He begins to grow fond of his slavery, to be proud of ti. And this is the most terrible thing that can happen to man.’ G.I. Gurdjieff


Reconcile Relationship Dualities

Relation 2

One of the basic needs in humans is connection because human body and mind wants connection. When talking about soulmates well, soul doesn’t need a mate although body and mind does. Sometimes people get isolated because of the traumas they got from the previous relationship, at some point in life isolation might serve as good thing, just to get to know yourself although if it last to long it might be damaging. People try to justify their isolation and being spiritual just to avoid relationship. Also there are those that lean on other people and get attached and dependent on relationship. Relationship becomes life goal which is more like an addiction. People do stuff because of the purpose or meaning, not just to enjoy it, just for the purpose of expectation. Expectation then lead to frustration.

How most of the humans build their intimate relationships?

The main factor or motivator would be lack of love and care, most can’t love themselves or can’t love other or their love is tainted by fear of lack, lack of love, lack of care and if they see that somebody is showing at least a drop of attention and care, they think it is love and they ‘drop the cheese’ like a crow in the fairy tale, when fox says to a crow that it is so beautiful, being bought by empty flattery. Humans often use word love although this word is misused in so many cases.The word love been the most prostituted word for so long.

People been betrayed, so many times that they think betrayal is the way because ‘I’ was betrayed so many times, so ‘I’ will do the same I’ll betray, I’ll take the ultimate revenge ‘An eye for and an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.’Mahatma Gandhi   Then blind lead blind. The other motivation for relationship is lust, animal desire to reproduce although it is neither bad nor good, it is just nature wants to multiply, so it has the urge, body has the urge, it wants to multiply. The huma body, animalistic part of it has it’s needs which have to be met. Can’t deny the animalistic part of the body. Humans who base their relationship only on body’s needs most likely are at the animal ‘level’ although not necessarily, well it is not the bad ‘level’, according to Buddhism there are other ‘lower’ levels; a hungry ghost or demon, that is where vampirism starts, humans drain each others energy, that is where lack starts. Buddhist categorise earth existence in god, human, animal, hungry ghost, demon, on this planet you may go as high as god or as low as demon, take your pick, this ladder takes you to heaven or hell, that is to say state of mind. To fall down is easy, gravity helps you to do exactly that, you just fall down the hill as a rock, no effort just rock and roll. Well, if you want to get higher, that requires effort, not many want to do that it is a bit uncomfortable, it is not safe, it is unknown. Freedom or jail what do you choose? These are your creations, of course the environment around you influences you, if you think you are going down the drain, get out of the environment, change your surroundings. Maybe it is time to leave relationship, place,things…

Lust is hot although hate is cold. Relationships may be based on hate or/and lust, so it keeps you in push-pull situation. Then you don’t know who you are and what you want, you stay in the state of confusion, clouded state of mind lust vs hate, this sado/maso drama. Well, some even start to be addicted to this destructive pleasure/pain thing, this is sort of road to nowhere, attachment to sensation.

The other extremes are celibacy or playboy/prostitute duality although this duality was invented by the same ‘company’, so it may keep humans in a tug of war within and make their life suffering and misery, both lifestyles are destructive and may turn human into hungry ghost or demon because it leads to many perversions. Well, if celibacy happens naturally and it is not forced then it is ok, if it is conscious and aware choice. Well, sometimes in life when people can’t find the right partner it is better to stay alone because too many partners means too much noise enters your being, physical body has memory and then body becomes confused, person doesn’t know what s/he wants and who they are.

Many people don’t give each other enough space, usually in family relationship situation, so the other may renew themselves, so they become too known and boring. Of course, the other trend is to choose the other partner as a status symbol: young or/and rich, money or/and looks, just to keep up with the Joneses, huge age difference mommy is pretty and daddy is rich, someone is buying someone is selling, or maybe sugar mommy buys younger man, and yes people think it is rebellious, against who? Who cares? Just to show off against people who don’t care and don’t think about you, yeah that is the achievement, ambition.

The other example, reject civilisation and deny all human traits, run to the mountains, isolate, probably not the best choice in this day and age, well you may do it for short period of time, just to rest, go on holiday, clear your mind.

People also confuse infatuation, charm of others biological computer or personality with love, well you may find better and better personality and biological computer every second, you show me good I’ll show you better one, this is never-ending story. Like and dislike, attraction and repulsion. What do you like better; green eyes, brown eyes, blond hair, black hair, short or tall, black or white, well this is just skin body suite. Are you buying into sexy image? Media sells you ton of styles how to look sexy, well somebody surely makes a lot of money out of that, you may look macho, you may look gay, you may look like prostitute or a nun, priest or playboy. What image of beauty/sexy did you buy into? Of course these are extreme polarities, an average relationship probably has to deal with a little bit of everything.

Polarities in relationship

Reconciling polarities 

p.s. polarities are not all from the text

relationship   isolation

lack of love     worldly love

lack of care     worldly care

lack of nurturing    limited nurturing

I            other

male      female

attention      lack of attention

lack of attention    annoyance

flattery      judgement

praise        judgement

praise    criticism

harsh       nice

tyrant    victim

tyrant    rebel

victim    rebel

tyrant   martyr

abuser    abused

user    used

manipulator   naïve

manipulated   manipulate

pain   pleasure

sado   maso

drama   boring

lust    hate

known   unknown

suffering   indulgence

indulge   restrict

deprivation   indulgence

celibacy   prostitution

celibacy    playboy

prostitute   angry housewife

despot husband    angry housewife

despot husband    slave housewife

despot wife     slave husband

pretty mommy    rich daddy

daddy rich   mommy young

new   old

old   young

beginning    end

show off      hide

visible   invisible

macho    gay

priest   macho

gay   macho

playboy   priest

nun   prostitute

celibacy   Bacchanalia

celibacy   orgy

push   pull

Oh Eternity, please take all of these states of mind which

are unbalanced in this pattern and balance and clear them. Do this so

that I may see more clearly and find my way home more easily.

I give thanks knowing it will be done.

Prayer taken from the book The Marriage Of The Spirit by Leslie Temple-Thurston if you want to learn how to reconcile polarities and learn how to do shadow work recommend get a book and learn the techniques. The link is below.





Personified Divinity Messiah Game


Are you having a dilemma what is Divinity?

Does it have a form? Is it formless?

May God become a man?

Do you want to be saved?

Are you being a saviour yourself and play the Messiah game?

Sometimes you feel that there is no help and you fall into despair and helplessness moments and it seems soo dark. The other times you try to save everyone even those who don’t want to be saved, or maybe you will build the whole universe so you may save others.

So, is there any help for the human?

Yes, there is although will you be able to see and recognise the help?

Are you aware and conscious enough to see and hear the Divine?

Divine usually speaks very quietly and it shows itself in many forms, it doesn’t like repetition. Well, it is formless although it takes form. What kind of form? All forms and no form. You may say if God created everything than who created the Devil? You may say the Devil is a Gods beast, the beast which is on the leash and it is allowed to do only the certain amount of havoc. The Devil also may take many shapes and forms it may take God like forms as well, only it spreads suffering, misery, lack, chaos, destruction although it may come in very glamorous form you may think it is good.

‘We can accept God becoming Man to save Man, but not Man becoming God to save himself.’ Vernon Linwood Howard

A lot of humans on this planet want their personal messiah, so somebody would hear them, listen to them, care for them. Hero who would save them from them selves, a hero who would bring salvation. Religions always promise salvation and they say that golden age was in the past and you have to wait for the messiah who will save you in the future. Politicians promise you the great tomorrow , yeah they may give you some treats. The great demagogues always play with your emotions and say that something good was in the past or will happen in the future and they will put this hero in front of the people, so it could be worshipped, like the sun in the morning and it may look bright and significant also it blinds others. People personify Divinity, so they may place their focus somewhere, somewhere positive, just to manage their focus.It is neither good nor bad to have personified Divinity in your life, only at some point you have to drop it or leave  it. At some point you have to leave your guru and become independent. Guru is only a guide it can’t do things for you. Guru may give map and tools although you have to do it on your own. Guru is not there to deliver you hopium, when you are in need of an instant gratification. Guru is not a drug dealer on a speed dial. Guru in Sanskrit is the one who disperses the darkness although don’t forget that light burns and light blinds also it shows all the mess, if you switch on the light in the messy room.

Majority of people on this planet don’t know how to be free, freedom is not very popular thing on the planet and not many know what freedom is, some say you have to pay rather high price on this planet, so you may be free, on the bright side it is doable. there are those who did it and are doing it…

Maybe you are on the other side, maybe you play messiah game.Saviour personality who tries to save others, a motivation to this might be, saving himself/herself from self although there must be ‘I’ and ‘other’ and if there is no ‘I’ and ‘other’, who is to be saved?

Sometimes saviour wants to be saved he/she expects that somebody will come and save him/her. They may dream that something magical will come in to their life take control and take care of them, also will give the meaning or an aim why live? Saving others might be a meaning of life. Saving others might be selfish action. Why? Because light beings don’t like watch others suffer it is very unpleasant and if you are an empath  you feel others pain and if you are not demonic being you don’t like that unnecessary pain and suffering.

What is the meaning? Life is hard without meaning.

Sometimes you want to fall into somebodies arms and want to be held. It is like falling into arms of Divinity and Divinity holds you and cuddles you. You fear loosing that Divinity that warm feeling and feeling at home. You want to go back home so so badly.

Where is the home?

You feel so disconnected without home like a homeless person cold, lost, uncertain just wandering in the middle of eternity searching for something that was lost. The search was long and you are tired, so when you are going to get home?

You need that anchor that meaning, aim, so you personify that Divinity, so who is Divinity in your life who is the guru? Question is who isn’t your guru or divinity, including yourself? Every being you have met on your path is part of divinity and yes including dark beings although most likely when you get to know them you understand that hanging around dark beings is unpleasant, so you try to avoid their presence. You may want somebody to breath in life into your being, so you would be alive, and dark beings suck a life force out of other beings. Do you know some of those dark beings or one of them is staring at you in the mirror? Like a black hole sucks life force out of you.

How much of Divinity you may experience?

How much light you may let in?

Individual soul enjoys amount of Divinity it has the capacity to receive. Light burns, it also blinds, so it is better to let in light gradually and remove inner blocks bit by bit and on the road to Divinity it is good to have a guide who already have done it. Choose your guide wisely.

Who are you going to follow a shining star or a black hole?

Or you are going to become one of them?

One day you may say I’m home…OM… That day might be NOW….

© Laura Ciciskinaite

Choices Crossroads Experience




Standing on the crossroad, making a choice, big or small. Life consists of choices, choices brought you were you are now and choices will bring you some place else. Your life experience depend on your choices.  It is better to make aware and conscious choices, this planet is like a board game, a chess board that consists of black and white squares, black squares represent ignorance, white represent knowledge. In Buddhism ignorance is a greatest ‘sin’ because in ignorant and unaware state of mind you make choices that may not serve you well and may take you into a dark place, of course  by making conscious choices you may get out of dark place, only it is hard to do so when your mind is confused. It is better not to make choices when you are in confused state of mind, get your mind unconfused first. Your mind is like a water when its stirred up you can’t see things clearly and then you walk through life blindfolded.

On this planet you may experience polarities right and wrong, good and bad, high and low, success and failure… So, who writes definitions for the right and wrong, high and low…well, those who control, manage the mind. If somebody is controlling or programming your mind, you may say they make choices for you. Media, education system, society program individuals mind. So, do you want to keep all the programs? How programs serve you? What do you want to uninstall?

The system or the matrix ,whatever you want to call the status quo, wants you to be predictable. They are like a machine want to calculate what you are going to do next.

What are you going to do next?

System doesn’t like unpredictability, even in small choices of your life.

What clothes are you going to wear today?

What lipstick are you going to wear today, if any?

Which road are you going to walk today?

Are you going to make your own road?

Are you going to start walking the road that starts appearing in front of you when you start walking the road? Are you going to make the road?

Walk the road that nobody walked before…

Are you going to take a leap of faith, like a fool on a tarot card, facing the unknown?

Fool doesn’t mean stupid although it may be, the fool card is number zero. This reality is made up of 0 and 1. In yoga we try to become 0 because the 0 is infinite possibility.

Unknown is always scary, you may shine the light in front of you, so you may see the road that starts to appear.

How do you shine the light in front?

Reconcile polarities in your mind, become neutral observer, well this may take you some time although it is better to start doing it sooner than later. Clear mind serves you better. Learn to meditate, still your mind.

How to reconcile polarities?

Shadow work mental,emotional processing, uncondition yourself of fear. The best processing techniques I have learned is from the book The Marriage of Spirit  by Leslie Temple-Thurston.

You may read more about the book here

Process fears and other emotions, get to know your emotions, get to know when it is real anxiety and when it is fake fear.

More info on fear processing and fear processing exercise


Here is more info on mediation