One of the basic needs in humans is connection because human body and mind wants connection. When talking about soulmates well, soul doesn’t need a mate although body and mind does. Sometimes people get isolated because of the traumas they got from the previous relationship, at some point in life isolation might serve as good thing, just to get to know yourself although if it last to long it might be damaging. People try to justify their isolation and being spiritual just to avoid relationship. Also there are those that lean on other people and get attached and dependent on relationship. Relationship becomes life goal which is more like an addiction. People do stuff because of the purpose or meaning, not just to enjoy it, just for the purpose of expectation. Expectation then lead to frustration.

How most of the humans build their intimate relationships?

The main factor or motivator would be lack of love and care, most can’t love themselves or can’t love other or their love is tainted by fear of lack, lack of love, lack of care and if they see that somebody is showing at least a drop of attention and care, they think it is love and they ‘drop the cheese’ like a crow in the fairy tale, when fox says to a crow that it is so beautiful, being bought by empty flattery. Humans often use word love although this word is misused in so many cases.The word love been the most prostituted word for so long.

People been betrayed, so many times that they think betrayal is the way because ‘I’ was betrayed so many times, so ‘I’ will do the same I’ll betray, I’ll take the ultimate revenge ‘An eye for and an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.’Mahatma Gandhi   Then blind lead blind. The other motivation for relationship is lust, animal desire to reproduce although it is neither bad nor good, it is just nature wants to multiply, so it has the urge, body has the urge, it wants to multiply. The huma body, animalistic part of it has it’s needs which have to be met. Can’t deny the animalistic part of the body. Humans who base their relationship only on body’s needs most likely are at the animal ‘level’ although not necessarily, well it is not the bad ‘level’, according to Buddhism there are other ‘lower’ levels; a hungry ghost or demon, that is where vampirism starts, humans drain each others energy, that is where lack starts. Buddhist categorise earth existence in god, human, animal, hungry ghost, demon, on this planet you may go as high as god or as low as demon, take your pick, this ladder takes you to heaven or hell, that is to say state of mind. To fall down is easy, gravity helps you to do exactly that, you just fall down the hill as a rock, no effort just rock and roll. Well, if you want to get higher, that requires effort, not many want to do that it is a bit uncomfortable, it is not safe, it is unknown. Freedom or jail what do you choose? These are your creations, of course the environment around you influences you, if you think you are going down the drain, get out of the environment, change your surroundings. Maybe it is time to leave relationship, place,things…

Lust is hot although hate is cold. Relationships may be based on hate or/and lust, so it keeps you in push-pull situation. Then you don’t know who you are and what you want, you stay in the state of confusion, clouded state of mind lust vs hate, this sado/maso drama. Well, some even start to be addicted to this destructive pleasure/pain thing, this is sort of road to nowhere, attachment to sensation.

The other extremes are celibacy or playboy/prostitute duality although this duality was invented by the same ‘company’, so it may keep humans in a tug of war within and make their life suffering and misery, both lifestyles are destructive and may turn human into hungry ghost or demon because it leads to many perversions. Well, if celibacy happens naturally and it is not forced then it is ok, if it is conscious and aware choice. Well, sometimes in life when people can’t find the right partner it is better to stay alone because too many partners means too much noise enters your being, physical body has memory and then body becomes confused, person doesn’t know what s/he wants and who they are.

Many people don’t give each other enough space, usually in family relationship situation, so the other may renew themselves, so they become too known and boring. Of course, the other trend is to choose the other partner as a status symbol: young or/and rich, money or/and looks, just to keep up with the Joneses, huge age difference mommy is pretty and daddy is rich, someone is buying someone is selling, or maybe sugar mommy buys younger man, and yes people think it is rebellious, against who? Who cares? Just to show off against people who don’t care and don’t think about you, yeah that is the achievement, ambition.

The other example, reject civilisation and deny all human traits, run to the mountains, isolate, probably not the best choice in this day and age, well you may do it for short period of time, just to rest, go on holiday, clear your mind.

People also confuse infatuation, charm of others biological computer or personality with love, well you may find better and better personality and biological computer every second, you show me good I’ll show you better one, this is never-ending story. Like and dislike, attraction and repulsion. What do you like better; green eyes, brown eyes, blond hair, black hair, short or tall, black or white, well this is just skin body suite. Are you buying into sexy image? Media sells you ton of styles how to look sexy, well somebody surely makes a lot of money out of that, you may look macho, you may look gay, you may look like prostitute or a nun, priest or playboy. What image of beauty/sexy did you buy into? Of course these are extreme polarities, an average relationship probably has to deal with a little bit of everything.

Polarities in relationship

Reconciling polarities 

p.s. polarities are not all from the text

relationship   isolation

lack of love     worldly love

lack of care     worldly care

lack of nurturing    limited nurturing

I            other

male      female

attention      lack of attention

lack of attention    annoyance

flattery      judgement

praise        judgement

praise    criticism

harsh       nice

tyrant    victim

tyrant    rebel

victim    rebel

tyrant   martyr

abuser    abused

user    used

manipulator   naïve

manipulated   manipulate

pain   pleasure

sado   maso

drama   boring

lust    hate

known   unknown

suffering   indulgence

indulge   restrict

deprivation   indulgence

celibacy   prostitution

celibacy    playboy

prostitute   angry housewife

despot husband    angry housewife

despot husband    slave housewife

despot wife     slave husband

pretty mommy    rich daddy

daddy rich   mommy young

new   old

old   young

beginning    end

show off      hide

visible   invisible

macho    gay

priest   macho

gay   macho

playboy   priest

nun   prostitute

celibacy   Bacchanalia

celibacy   orgy

push   pull

Oh Eternity, please take all of these states of mind which

are unbalanced in this pattern and balance and clear them. Do this so

that I may see more clearly and find my way home more easily.

I give thanks knowing it will be done.

Prayer taken from the book The Marriage Of The Spirit by Leslie Temple-Thurston if you want to learn how to reconcile polarities and learn how to do shadow work recommend get a book and learn the techniques. The link is below.

http://www.corelight.org/resources/marriage-of-spirit/

I LOVE YOU

I’M SORRY

PLEASE FORGIVE ME

AUM